Last month I watched, in tears, as then President-Elect Biden and Vice President-Elect Harris initiated a nation-wide moment acknowledging the deaths of 400,000 Americans who lost, and are STILL losing, their lives to COVID. The lighting of the Lincoln Memorial, the humbling words to “Amazing Grace”, and the simple and selfless words that spoke to simply honoring and remembering the “fallen” of our country currently and during 2020. Gotta tell you, the dam could no longer hold the water that had been building in me since March of 2020. Tears finally began to fall, followed by bawling and shaking shoulders. I had finally broke.
Up until that moment, I believe my own heart had been developing a hardened, yet numb, shell. I couldn’t understand then with the climbing numbers of COVID victims, as well as the political, racial and social climate in this nation this year, was I not in tears from this traumatic time? I think, internally, I had shut off emotion. The more I heard about the climbing numbers of COVID cases and deaths, as well as another racially provocative incident, the more numb and irritated I was becoming. I wanted nothing to do with people, so this pandemic was PERFECT for me! My human and canine family were all the company I needed, as far as I was concerned.
As much as my counselor/therapist brain reminded myself that the students I worked with were experiencing trauma from this pandemic and this crazy, political climate, I neglected to see my OWN response to trauma. I, too, have been traumatized! I think we all have! It took the actions of an incoming President and Vice President to bring me to my breaking point where the hard shell of trauma had begun to crack. 400,000 PEOPLE DEAD. It was time for me to finally mourn. Because I’ve been so angry and numb, I couldn’t begin to heal until I mourned the dead. Mourn this country’s failure to be the country it idealized itself to be. Now I, and this nation, can begin to heal. President Biden made a wise move forcing the nation to STOP, look at itself and at the massive loss of its people, and mourn.
In order to heal, you must first remember. And, my God, we’ve got a LOT to remember.
Stacey Genenne 